Life is constantly presenting us with opportunities to learn, grow, love, and live more fully. Yet, we sometimes are stuck or bogged down in situations or relationships that cloud our view and prevent us from moving forward. It’s as if we no longer see the blue sky because we’re looking through dirty windows. In order to see blue sky again we must understand what is obstructing our path. Continue reading
Relationships that Really Connect
Social has become quite the buzz word. But what does it mean in today’s digital world? Social media presents a myriad of opportunities to connect with friends, relatives, business associates, and the world at large. Photos and snippets of one’s everyday experience “go viral” every day. Texting is a new abbreviated language that requires neither correct grammar nor punctuation. But social has a vastly different context when it relates to our true happiness and well-being. Continue reading
Your Life: a Hero’s Journey
Though you may not think of yourself as a hero, you do play the starring role in the story of your life journey. It’s a story you’ve been composing since you took your first breath – maybe even before. Many supporters have acted as guides, teachers, and mentors to help and inspire you along the way. Some may also have provided their idea of how you should live your life and the path you should follow. But ultimately, it’s your story, your life, your journey that required you to make difficult choices and carry out heroic actions to bring you to the chapter you inhabit presently. Continue reading
Whole and Complete as You Are
Not long ago, I read that our average lifespan is 30,000 days. How many days have you already used up and how many might you have left?
Life is so precious. Each day is a blessing that holds a responsibility to express your special gifts into the world. What would your days be like if you weren’t bogged down by the past, reacting emotionally in the present, or anxious about the future? What if you could feel really at home and at peace in your skin, be in tune with the deepest desire for your life and express your best self in the world?Continue reading
Let Go and Start Anew
I can’t think of anything more devastating than an earthquake that causes loss of tens of
thousands of lives, loved ones, limbs, livelihoods and homes for an entire country. The initial response is to sift through the rubble looking for any signs of life, then useful objects and mementos. Finding the spirit and determination to pick up the pieces and start anew takes enormous courage and fortitude. Our Haitian friends have weathered revolutions, hurricanes, government suppression – and yet there continues to be a spirit and will to start over.
We all face losses and disappointments throughout our lives, ruptured relationships, unsatisfying jobs, no promotion, missed opportunities and lost dreams. How can we emerge from our plight with a renewed vision to start down a new path, embrace the hope of creating something new, and forge something better?
Ruminating stuckness
When things go awry or we experience loss, our minds can flood with a downward spiral
of painful thoughts ranging from rejection, worry, fear, to regret and low self-esteem. Our mind utters familiar messages: “I’m not good enough,” “not loveable,” “not talented,” “not successful.” “I’ll never find love and companionship, a good job, fulfillment, peace – or be free of pain.” “Why me?” “Why has God forsaken me?” “Why do I have to suffer?” “I can’t bear to be alone in the world.”
Could have, should have thoughts can ruminate constantly. We tell ourselves, “Surely this is all a dream. He or she will change their mind or the situation will all go back to the way things were. I’ll wait. The phone will soon ring and things will all be better.” When the phone doesn’t ring, more hurt and even anger sets in. It can become a never-ending vicious cycle, like a hamster on a treadmill that goes nowhere. That is your fate until you face the finality and decide to step off the treadmill.
Make peace with your past
The spirit to start anew is available to everyone when we learn to let go of the old – relationship, job, way of life or whatever has you tied to the past. It’s not easy and it takes courage. But the payoff is finding that life still holds joy and gifts that abound and that can free your spirit to soar in unimaginable ways.
As I reflect over my own life, it is filled with losses – relationships, jobs, creative projects, endeavors that fell flat or for some reason just ended. Looking back with today’s eyes, I know I could have handled many things better. But I also know that I did the best I could with what I was capable of at the time. Each loss has taught me lessons making the next disappointment a little easier to handle.
I truly believe that we all do the best we can in any given situation. The challenge is to know when and how to let go so we have the resilience and strength to channel our energies in a new direction.
Read more: Processes to help you “Let Go and Start Anew.”
Let Go: Processes for Starting Anew
Read also “Let Go and Start Anew
One of the best cures for ruminating over loss and disappointments is to for-give (before giving). The process of forgiveness ultimately brings you back in harmony with the good feeling state you experienced before the loss – before the hurt enveloped you. This isn’t necessarily about forgiving the act or person or business. When you forgive the person, entity or force behind the act, either in person or from a place deep within your heart, where compassion resides, the ruminating energy is released. Hurt, blame and anger can dissipate, especially when you forgive the number one person – yourself. You then have the opportunity to channel that energy along life-giving paths. This is 
true freedom.
Powerful processes to help you forgive include breathing and candle gazing. Every time you find yourself ruminating, breathe and with each exhalation mentally or verbally say, “I forgive.” When you gaze at a candle, visualize the melting wax as your letting go, forgiving and surrendering to the reality that is. You may even want to precede this by vigorously pounding or punching a large stuffed pillow to release pent-up emotions.
When do you know you’ve done enough forgiveness work?
When there is nothing left to forgive.
The choice of life
Change is the one thing that is assured in life. It’s part of the nature of all things. Nothing ever stays the same. While pain may still remain, you can choose to suffer and allow your spirit to die, or pick up whatever good that remains forge a new path and create something new.
Life is a precious gift we’ve been given. The courage to move on is a choice, as well as our responsibility for taking up space on this planet.
Part of this choice is to learn to not make assumptions, nor take things personally. You may or may not ever know the real truth behind other people’s actions, nor can you assume you do. You become free when you accept what happened, honor their choices and know that nothing others do is because of you. What others say or do is related to their own reality, not yours.
Embrace transition
The gift of change is that it allows you the opportunity to become more in touch with the “Real You” and reintegrate the various parts of who you are. It’s a chance to become more whole. When you let go of past attachments, you can rethink your life’s work, love, place and purpose.
Reflect on the lessons you have learned from your loss. What would you do differently in the future? Ask questions about all the things that are missing in your life, not just your recent loss. How would you like your life to look? How do you want to feel? What dreams have you put on hold? What are your core values? What provides meaning for you in life? Where are your passions?
With such questions, listen for the answers. Now you have the freedom to choose, not just fit in or copy others. What’s unique about you?
Refind your smile
When you let go of the enormous weight of past hurts, your spirit can lighten up. Engage with “nutritious” people, people who feed your soul rather than just your needs. Find people and group
s that make you feel whole and help you grow. Join a Meetup group 
(www.MeetUp.com). (Note: I will be starting a “Let Go and Start Anew” group this spring).
To rekindle joy, find ways to laugh again. Watch comedy shows and movies. Find a yoga laughter club, or spend time with a young child and allow your inner child to engage in playful activities. Move your body to further release stuck emotions. Seek out body-centered activities like hiking, yoga and tai chi. Go dance your booties off!
Connect and rekindle
What goes around comes around in life. Everyone experiences loss and everyone can start over. Know that you are not alone. Connect with your inner spirit, Source, God, Universal Consciousness. Soon the growing energy of Spring’s season will support you in rekindling your spirit, and you can start anew!
Are you ready to Let Go and Start Anew?
Contact me for a complimentary telephone session: Jacqui@HarmoniousPathways.com, 847-359-6391.
Passionate Living into Midlife and Beyond
Oliver Wendell Homes, Jr., once captured the essence of youth when he wrote, “In our youth our hearts are loaded with fire.” Youth, by nature, tend to be fearless and daring, filled with dreams and ambitions. They are like sponges absorbing every sensation as they seek their identity and life purpose. In adulthood, youthful passions fade, as we deal with day-to-day responsibilities of work, family, obligations. Certain life transitions, such as the loss of jobs, relationships or the death of a loved one can zap our fire even more.
I believe, however, that life longs to flow through us, and we all have the capacity to open our channels to rekindle passions or discover new ones–at any stage of life. I also believe it is our responsibility to do so.
What is passionate living?
To live passionately is to live with a sense of purpose, to engage in activities that you care about, that help you feel in “the zone”; when you lose track of time and are at one with the activity. It may be times when you feel great joy or inspiration such as being in nature. It may be doing something that requires great hardship, as Mahatma Gandhi experienced. “Suffering, cheerfully endured, ceases to be suffering and is transmuted into ineffable joy,” wrote Gandhi.
Passion is an expression of aliveness and giving of self. To be passionate is to be ruled by intense emotions such as boundless enthusiasm, excitement, inspiration or love. But passion can also be expressed as anger, envy, or even violence. Both extremes of our passions can “rule” our lives, leaving us feeling out of sync and out of control. Yet when we live with consciousness and mindfulness, our passions (or lack of them) can teach us who we are, where we belong, and where our passion lies. This learning can guide and enrich us, even as we traverse life’s inevitable challenges.
Explore your passions
Passion in midlife and beyond is grounded in wisdom that is focused purposefully. To live a fulfilling life with purpose, it’s important to explore what you truly care about, what gives your life meaning, and what is the legacy you wish to leave behind. Your life, no matter how seemingly ordinary, is extraordinary. You have great wisdom that can be shared with others. When old belief patterns are stripped of negative limitations, you become liberated–able to resurrect old dreams or create new ones. When you examine your life experiences, lessons learned, and the inventory of your gifts and skills, you can discover your true calling.
In “The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50“, author Sara Lawrence Lightfoot uncovered in those she interviewed a sense of urgency about the finiteness of life. They were not only doing the things that had been left undone, but were also engaged in new learning, inspiring curiosity, innovation, and resourcefulness. They were exploring ways to reinvent themselves. Their wisdom encouraged them to become better listeners and more patient and to have the courage to speak their truth.
Get enthused
The word enthusiasm is derived from the Greek “entheos, ” which means “in god, or to be “possessed” or “inspired.” “When do you experience enthusiasm? If you are not in touch with your passions, try taking the following steps:
* Think of the people you know who have enthusiasm about what they do.
What characteristics do they have in common?
* Examine a newspaper–every news item, editorial, ad, or entertainment
feature. Which items grab you?
* Think back over your life looking for clues about when you felt enthused.
Pay special attention to events before age 11 before habits become ingrained.
* Consider the things that excite you or anger you most.
* Ask yourself why you get up in the morning.
Blueprint for vital living
1. Identity: Reflect on your life stories to help you know who you are.
3. Passion: Determine what you care about and are called to do in life
3. Meaning: Know that what you stand for and what you value provides fuel to keep your passion alive.
4. Place: Based on the above, where do you fit in and with whom?
Richard Leider and David Shapiro speak of growing “whole not old”. In their book Claiming Your Place by the Fire: Living the Second Half of Your Life on Purpose, they pose four aspects to explore for vital living:We live more passionately when we understand the deeper spiritual meaning of our lives. At any time of life it is valuable to take time for reflection, to evaluate what you have accomplished–or not–and create a new vision for where to go next. Is it a new career? A service opportunity or a new or unfulfilled dream? The authors of the books I’ve mentioned stress the importance of engaging in cross-generational activities. Wise elders can be inspired by the passions of youth, as they model, teach, and mentor younger generations.
I believe we should banish the word retirement, which means “withdrawal.” It has no passion or life in it. Everything you do matters. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “…to know that one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”
Questions to ponder:
* Where do you find passion in your life, or do you find yourself saying, “I’m not passionate about anything”?
* What unfulfilled dreams are sitting in your dark closet?
* What would it feel like if you could live with more joy and passion?
I invite you to share your share your thoughts